Nine-year-old paola santiago was in danger of being lost. Her sister Susana, 10, and brother Edgar, 7, have a rare, undiagnosed genetic disorder, which has left them brain damaged and in need of constant care. Paola's parents, Lupe and José, are so busy tending to their disabled children, they have limited time for their one healthy child.

Luckily, Paola also has Jane Halperin, a volunteer from the Family Friends Project at the Jewish Family Service of Los Angeles.

Halperin takes Paola to the library, movies, museums, plays, and often picks her up from school, where Halperin's a volunteer reader. She acts as Paola's advocate in the family. After seven years together, Paola calls her "Grandma."

Since 1986, the Family Friends Project has been matching volunteers with children who have chronic illnesses, development disabilities or are at risk. The Los Angeles program, co-sponsored by UCLA Medical Center, has 90 volunteer and family matches. Volunteers, who are carefully screened, are there for the entire family.

"It's wonderful to have someone who can help me," says Lupe Santiago, Paola's mother. "Jane gives Paola the time I can't give her. And she's my friend, too. She's become part of our family."

To reach out to healthy siblings, the Los Angeles Family Friends Project has begun a Sibling Support Network, supported by a $15,000 Weingart Foundation grant. "Many of our parents live in a triage situation," says Terry Shajirat, project director. "By necessity, they give their attention to the child who represents the emergency - not the child who is walking, talking, feeding himself, and going to school."

How that lack of attention manifests varies. Some healthy siblings try to be perfect - and feel the stress. Others express their discomfort by "acting out," silencing their own achievements, or wishing they themselves were sick.

The Sibling Support Network is providing weekly group therapy with clinical social workers for children and teens from ages 4 to 17. The sessions are a place to vent anger, grief, even joy, and to gain valuable support. The project also is educating medical students in issues involving healthy siblings.

Halperin, who was "blessed" with healthy grandchildren, says, "I find it so rewarding to give something of myself. The Santiagos are very devoted to me. And I am very devoted to them."